Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby Rick on Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:31 pm

Back in pioneer days, a fellow moved his family west, settled on some land and built a cabin. He hung a bell from the porch to summon him in an emergency.

One day while the man was out hunting, the bell rang. He ran back at full speed. "What's wrong?" he panted. His wife explained that she wanted him to taste her apple pie while it was still warm. "Sarah," he reminded her, "the bell is only for emergencies."

The next day the man went out to gather wood. Again the bell rang. "What's wrong?" he asked as he ran up. His son explained that he had cleaned the fireplace and polished the harness as he'd been told. "Jesse," he said, "remember, the bell's only for emergencies."

That afternoon he went out hunting again. Once more the bell rang. As he ran in the direction of the cabin, he saw smoke curling to the sky. Closer still, he saw his wife and son staggering out of the remains of their home, their clothes in tatters, arrows lodged everywhere.

"Well," he said with a satisfied sigh, "that's more like it."
"When the going gets tough, the tough use Duct tape."
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby cc nolen on Tue Jun 06, 2017 2:05 pm

:o :o :o / :shock:
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby SantaClaus on Thu Jun 22, 2017 1:56 pm

Just tried a new product baked by Nabisco, made not with just chocolate chips, but made with chocolate computer chips. Now, that's one smart cookie. :lol:
Pretty crummy joke, eh? ;)

I was gonna tell a joke about ethanol, but it's too corny. :roll:
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby cc nolen on Thu Jun 22, 2017 2:09 pm

You hear the one about the beautiful Princess that everything she touched melted??? :roll:
Well, she couldnt find a husband because of her problem so her Dad, the King put out a notice that anyone who could bring her something that didnt melt would be the King and have all the riches!!! Young Men brought just about everything, but it all melted upon her touch. :(
Then a young poor boy stepped up and the King allowed him to see if he could have something the girl would not melt. The boy approached the girl real close and told her to slide her hand in his pocket. :shock: She noticed a buldge but she went ahead and put her hand in the pocket of the young man. She rolled it around and it was hard. She blushed but it did not melt. :shock:
The King asked what was going on and the girl pulled out a bag of M & Ms!!!! Melts in your mouth not in your hand!!!! :lol: You have a dirty mind Richard!!! what did you think was gonna happen? LOL! :lol:
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby SantaClaus on Thu Jun 22, 2017 2:52 pm

And then there was the veterinarian who spent hours standing behind a constipated horse, trying desperately to unclog the horse's plumbing. Everything came out alright at the end, but the tired vet had to sit down to take a load off his feet.
Some of my jokes stink, don't they? ;)
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby Seguin on Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:46 am

This joke is about kids telling the teacher what their dads do for a living and little Eric says his dad is an erotic dancer in a nightclub for men and if the men are nice to him he takes them to a hotelroom for a game. The teacher gets red in the face and pull him outside the room and ask if it´s true to which Brian says, "Hell no, but it´s too damned embarrassing to say he´s part of the new government!" :lol:
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby cc nolen on Fri Jun 23, 2017 2:35 pm

Seguin wrote:This joke is about kids telling the teacher what their dads do for a living and little Eric says his dad is an erotic dancer in a nightclub for men and if the men are nice to him he takes them to a hotelroom for a game. The teacher gets red in the face and pull him outside the room and ask if it´s true to which Brian says, "Hell no, but it´s too damned embarrassing to say he´s part of the new government!" :lol:

Didnt know Denmark had a new Government :o ......You mean the Queen is gone? :shock: ... :lol:
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby Seguin on Sat Jun 24, 2017 5:19 am

You mean the Queen is gone? :shock: ... :lol:


You could say she´s "gone" since she´s still smoking joints with her husband. :D

(Actually, it´s not a joint but some some kinda cigarette she was offered in some country she visited, but it sure looks like a joint)
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby Seguin on Sat Jun 24, 2017 5:43 am

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write." :D
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby NefariousNed on Sun Aug 06, 2017 9:00 pm

A young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba,
somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see
who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
The "OUTSIDE THE ALAMO, Songs of Ned Huthmacher Performed by John Beland" CD Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/OutsideTheAlamo/
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby RLC-GTT on Mon Aug 07, 2017 5:12 am

:roll: :lol:
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby Seguin on Fri Sep 15, 2017 1:27 am

Spelling problems in the bible belt. :D
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby cc nolen on Fri Sep 15, 2017 2:01 pm

For Sale!!!
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby Seguin on Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:44 am

:D
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Re: Jokes, Humor And Things Funny

Postby SantaClaus on Sun Oct 15, 2017 6:08 am

With Halloween coming up, I got to thinking about the ghosts of the Alamo.
Do you know which Alamo ghost is the scariest? Jim BOOie! :o :lol:
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